Of Locked Doors and Camembert
by Purple Shamrock 17
Summary: Oneshot. Complete. When Douglas locks Martin out of the flight deck on purpose, help comes in the strangest of forms. First Cabin Pressure fic!


**Author's Note: Hello, all. Well, this is a new category for me so I can only hope that the hilarious crew of MJN Air are in character. This fic was inspired by a post on Cabin Pressure's facebook page about an airline pilot who was accidentally locked out of the cockpit/flight deck. So enjoy and please review!**

**And I picked Athens for no real reason, just that I've flown there from London. **

Of Locked Doors and Camembert

"Martin, isn't that your second cup of tea this morning?" Douglas asked. He and Martin sat in the flight deck, waiting for the all clear from Carl for their cargo flight to Athens.

"Yes, why?"

"Nothing, just that you got here at six o'clock and it's now-"

"Ten to seven, I know," said Martin as he swallowed the last of his tea.

"Have you done the walk around yet?"

"Yes, between cups one and two."

"Don't you have running water in that hovel of yours?"

Martin glared at him. "It is not a _hovel,_ it's perfectly fine for its purpose."

"Martin, it's an attic," Douglas asserted. "In a student house and by being labeled a student house, it is assumed to be disgusting, dilapidated and dingy. And that's just the letter D."

"When you're finished insulting my living conditions, let me know."

"I _am _finished."

"Oh. Good. And yes, it does have running water but the maintenance man turned it off so the pipes wouldn't freeze. Everyone else went on holiday."

"Doesn't he know you live there?"

Martin shrugged. "I don't think so. He probably thinks I'm just another student."

"I can't imagine why."

* * *

Ten minutes later, they were flying over Fitton and on their way to Athens. Martin was at the controls and stared straight ahead although the ride was increasingly uncomfortable.

"Are you all right, Captain?" Douglas asked from beside him.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

"Well, you've been shifting around in your seat for the past few minutes. An obvious sign that those cups of tea are starting to take effect."

"I'll be fine," Martin insisted.

"Martin, for God's sake, it's a three hour flight. I think I can handle G-ERTI for five minutes."

Martin gritted his teeth in frustration at the thought of giving up his seat of command (even if it was only for five minutes) before he conceded and began unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Good lad," said Douglas as moved into the captain's chair. "And don't worry, the old girl is safe with me."

"Of course she is," Martin muttered as he exited the flight deck.

* * *

The morning had gone so smoothly that Martin should have suspected that Douglas was up to something. He had so causally offered to take control of G-ERTI when he could have let Martin suffer throughout the rest of the flight.

It appeared that he planned to do just that. When Martin returned from the loo, he discovered that the door to the flight deck was locked.

He gave the handle a few vigorous turns as if that would magically unlock the door. It didn't.

"Douglas!" He yelled, knocking on the door. "I'm back. Unlock the door, will you?

"No, I don't think I shall," Douglas replied, his voice a bit muffled from behind the door.

Martin scowled and knocked harder on the door. "Come on, Douglas! What on earth are you doing in there?"

"Flying the plane, Captain," Douglas said, unperturbed by Martin's rising annoyance. "Since you went to the loo."

"Yes, well, I'm back from the loo. Let me in!"

"What was that last part, Captain? I'm not sure I heard you correctly."

"Let me in...please?"

"Not a chance. My delightful moment of payback has arrived and I'm not about to pass it up."

Martin couldn't imagine what sort of payback Douglas was referring to...until it hit him. "Douglas, I am _not_ calling you 'sir' or 'Captain' for that matter. Or whatever else you think I've done to you."

"Fine. Then I won't unlock the door."

"And how long do you expect me to wait out here?" Martin snapped.

"Oh, I don't know, I was thinking something like...three hours and thirty minutes. Besides, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet...at least on this side of the door."

Martin was about to knock on the door again when he heard Carolyn ask from behind him. "Martin, what on earth is going on?"

"Douglas won't let me into the flight deck," Martin explained as he turned around to face her.

"What?" Carolyn asked. "What do you mean he won't let you in?"

"I mean, he's locked the door on me!" And to prove his point, he pounded on the door but to no avail. It remained locked.

"Well, first of all, you can stop pounding on the door like that. You're going to hurt yourself!" cried Carolyn.

"Don't worry, Carolyn," Douglas spoke up. "The only thing that Captain Crieff could hurt during this...experiment as it were, is his own pride."

"An experiment that you started, Douglas!" Carolyn yelled.

"Yes and I think I pulled it off rather successfully too."

"And what was the point of this so-called experiment?" Carolyn asked, her voice rising in annoyance. "Martin is assigned to fly to Athens, Douglas!"

"Yes, Carolyn," said Douglas. "However, I just felt like flying G-ERTI today and he gave me the perfect opportunity to do so."

"Or you just like irritating me," said Martin.

"Well, yes, there's that too." And Martin imagined Douglas smirking in satisfaction and it made him want to pound on the door again.

"Oh, this is getting ridiculous," Carolyn sighed and she moved off toward the intercom.

* * *

A few minutes after she had gone, Martin knocked on the door again. This time he didn't receive any reply at all, sarcastic or otherwise. So he sat down in one of the nearby seats to wait and see if Carolyn would be able to persuade Douglas to let him back in. He sat there for a few minutes before he heard Arthur ask. "Skip? What're you doing out here?"

"Arthur, where have you been all this time? Where's your mother?"

"Oh, I've been preparing the cheese tray and listening to Mum yell at Douglas over the intercom. So, nothing new, really...except you're not in the flight deck."

"No, I'm not because he locked me out when I went to the loo," Martin told him stiffly.

"Locked you out? Why would he do that?"

Martin rolled his eyes. "Because, as Douglas himself said, God works in mysterious ways to do lovely things for Douglas Richardson."

"Well, I don't know about that," said Arthur with his usual cheerful smile. "But I do know how we can unlock the door."

"How?"

"Just break the window and climb in and unlock the door from the inside! That's what I did when Mum locked her keys inside the house."

Martin sighed and tried to keep his voice calm as he said, "Arthur, think about what you just suggested and I mean, _really_ think about it."

"What do you-? Oh. Right. Sorry, Skip, I guess that wouldn't work out very well."

"No, Arthur, it wouldn't."

"Well, since you're stuck out here, you might as well look on the bright side."

"And what bright side is that?"

"First go at the cheese tray!" said Arthur proudly and he held out the tray to him.

Martin had to smirk at that and he leaned forward to see the wide selection. His smirk morphed into a smile as he spotted one particular kind of cheese.

"Arthur," he said, lowering his voice to just above a whisper "is that the camembert?" He pointed to a small wedge of cheese with a whitish rind.

"Oh, yeah! Look at that!" said Arthur. "Usually, Mum swipes it before I even start arranging the tray."

"Yes, well, I think Douglas's little experiment has her a bit preoccupied at the moment."

"Think she'll get him to let you back in?"

"No, which is exactly why I need the camembert," Martin whispered. He picked up the wedge of cheese as he got up from his seat. Then, for what felt like the umpteenth time, he knocked on the flight deck door.

"Douglas," he called out. "Listen, I've decided that you can fly G-ERTI to Athens if you _really_ want to. I mean, it's only three hours, right? I've had _loads_ of experience flying three hour flights. Plus, it's a cargo flight. Easiest flying job ever."

"Well, there was that one time you almost killed the cat-" Arthur began before a glare from Martin quickly shut him up.

"So, like I was saying, Douglas. You can fly G-ERTI this time. I'll just sit out here for the rest of the flight and enjoy this nice camembert."

There was a pause. "WHAT!" Douglas yelled. "_You've_ got the camembert?"

"Yes, I'm going to enjoy every last morsel of it," said Martin happily.

He raised the cheese to his lips and was about to take a bite when he heard Carolyn scream from behind him. "Martin, don't you _dare_ eat that cheese!"

For what he hoped was the last time, Martin tugged on door handle. Expecting to find it still locked, he was caught off guard when it opened and he nearly tumbled into the flight deck. Leaping into his now vacated captain's chair, he stuffed the cheese into his mouth. Then, as he had told Douglas, he proceeded to enjoy every last morsel of it.

Moments later, when he swallowed the last of the cheese, he turned to find a glowering Carolyn and a sulking Douglas behind him.

"Now, if you two don't the mind," said Martin. "The Captain of this vessel would like to do his job and get us all safely to Athens. And I trust that we won't have any more interruptions or complaints for the reminder of the flight?"

Neither said anything for a moment, before Douglas said with his usual sarcasm. "No..._sir_."

"Fantastic," said Martin as he turned around to face the controls. As he heard Carolyn leave the flight deck, he added. "Oh and Carolyn, make sure the door is unlocked."

**Author's Note: Well, there you go! Like I said, I hope everyone seems in character. Please review! **


End file.
